Your teen used to come home from practice and tell you everything. Now they drop their bag by the door and head straight to their room. Before Saturday’s game, they say their stomach hurts. On the drive home, they’re still thinking about the one play they wish they could take back.
You might wonder if this is a rough stretch or if something about the sport has changed for them. Before you talk about sticking it out or taking a break, ask what it feels like to play right now. You may hear something you’d never pick up from the stands.
What sports performance anxiety can look like
Some nerves before a big game are part of competing. Pay attention when the worry starts well before warmups, follows your teen home, or changes how they play. Fear of making mistakes, embarrassment, and worry about what’s coming are some ways anxiety can show up. American Academy of Pediatrics
Before the game, they ask who’s coming to watch or keep asking what will happen if they mess up.
During the game, they hesitate to take a shot they’d make in practice or look toward the bench after every mistake.
After the game, they replay a single play, even after a win, and say things like “I let everyone down.”
Ask what feels different this season. Maybe they’re worried about losing their spot. Maybe a teammate made a comment that stuck with them. They might be worn out from playing on two teams or feel like they have to prove themselves after an injury. What they tell you can help you understand where the pressure is coming from.
What to say on the drive home
After a tough game, it’s easy to fill the silence with reassurance or advice. Even “You played great” can be hard to hear when your teen is still thinking about the pass they missed.
Try giving them a choice. “Do you want to talk about the game, or would you rather have a quiet ride home?”
If they say, “I cost us the game,” you might start with, “That play is still bothering you, huh?” Give them a moment to tell you what it meant to them. They may be thinking about what the coach said, who was watching, or what they’re afraid will happen at the next practice.
If they want quiet, check in later when you’re doing something ordinary together. “You’ve seemed tense before the last few games. What’s been on your mind?” A conversation over dinner or while putting away gear can feel easier than one that starts the moment they get in the car.
When to reach out for more support
Consider reaching out when the worry keeps coming back or starts affecting sleep, school, friendships, or willingness to go to practice. If headaches or stomachaches keep coming up, bring them up with your teen’s pediatrician so they can help assess what may be contributing. American Academy of Pediatrics
Counseling can give teens a place to talk through the pressure they feel, practice ways to reset after a mistake, and explore what they want from their sport. A teen might work on getting their attention back to the next play or finding the words to tell a coach when they’re overwhelmed.
At Harvest Counseling & Wellness in Trophy Club, Kelly Shackelford, LPC-Associate, works with teens experiencing sports and performance anxiety. Her experience coaching young athletes gives her insight into the pressures of competitive sports, including the parts that teammates, coaches, and family may never see.
If you’re wondering whether counseling might be a good fit for your teen, call Harvest at 940-294-7061 or view scheduling options.
