We spend eighteen years as the CEOs of our children’s lives. We manage their schedules, curate their diets, and influence their every move. Then, almost overnight, we’re demoted.
If you’ve found yourself staring at your phone waiting for a text, or biting your tongue until it bleeds during a family dinner, you aren't alone. This transition—from "Manager" to "Consultant"—is one of the most difficult shifts a human being can make.
The Book Every "Empty Nester" Needs
This is the book every “empty nester” needs. "Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out"by Jim Burns, Ph.D., is a total game-changer for this season of life.
The title itself is a bit of a "tough love" wake-up call. Burns argues that the secret to a healthy long-term relationship with your grown kids isn't more control—it’s more grace.
Why This Perspective Works
What makes this book stand out is that Burns doesn't shy away from the messy stuff. He addresses the questions we’re often too embarrassed to ask:
The Enabling Trap: How do you help them financially without stalling their maturity?
The Advice Dilemma: When is it okay to speak up, and when will it just drive them away?
The Value Gap: How do you stay close when their lifestyle or faith choices break your heart?
The "Welcome Mat" Philosophy
The core message is simple but profound: Your influence now depends entirely on your relationship, not your authority. By keeping the "welcome mat out"—maintaining an environment of warmth and non-judgment—you ensure that when they do need a consultant, you’re the first person they call.
If you’re struggling to navigate the boundaries of a "boomerang" kid living at home or trying to reconnect with a distant child, give this a read. It’s a hopeful reminder that while parenting never ends, it can become a beautiful, peer-like friendship if we're willing to change the rules.
Have you struggled with "keeping your mouth shut" as your kids have grown?
At Harvest Counseling & Wellness, we help individuals, couples, and families learn healthier communication, emotional regulation, and relationship repair skills with their adult children.
Our Argyle office serves clients from Denton, Highland Village, Flower Mound, Lantana, Roanoke, Justin, and surrounding DFW communities.
If you’re looking for support with relationship healing, we invite you to reach out for a complimentary phone consultation.
