We often talk about teen romance in clichés: the butterflies, the nervous first dates, and the "puppy love." But for many young people, the reality is far more complicated—and sometimes dangerous.
According to national data, 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they are dating before they become adults. Teen Dating Violence (TDV) isn’t just a "bad breakup" or a "rough patch." It is a pattern of behavior used to exert power and control over a partner.
Because teen relationships are often a "first" for everything, it can be incredibly hard to tell the difference between a partner who is "intense" and a partner who is abusive. Here is what you need to know to stay safe and support those you love.
What Does Abuse Actually Look Like?
Abuse is rarely just a movie scene of a physical fight. It is often quiet, subtle, and digital.
Physical: Hitting, slapping, shoving, or physically blocking someone from leaving a room.
Emotional & Verbal: Constant name-calling, humiliation (privately or in front of others), and "gaslighting"—making you feel like you’re "crazy" for having feelings.
Digital: This is the most common form for teens. It includes demanding passwords, looking through your DMs, or using GPS apps to track your every move.
Sexual: Any sexual act or touch that happens without clear, enthusiastic consent, or being pressured into sending "nudes."
The Red Flags: Is it Love or Control?
In the beginning, controlling behavior can feel like "passion." Someone who wants to be with you 24/7 might seem sweet, but it can quickly turn into a cage.
For Teens: Trust Your Gut
Ask yourself these questions:
Do I feel like I have to "walk on eggshells" to keep them from getting angry?
Do they get "explosively" jealous if I talk to someone else?
Do they make me feel guilty for spending time with my best friends or family?
Do they "love bomb" me—making me feel like the center of the universe one day, then ignoring me the next as punishment?
For Parents: Watch for the Shift
Teens are naturally private, but look for these "loud" silences:
Withdrawal: They stop participating in sports, clubs, or hobbies they used to love.
Mood Changes: Increased anxiety, or a new habit of constantly checking their phone with a look of fear or stress.
The "Cover-Up": They start wearing baggy clothes out of season (to hide marks) or make constant excuses for their partner’s bad behavior.
The "Green Flags": What Healthy Love Feels Like
Knowing the bad is important, but knowing what good looks like is life-changing. A healthy relationship is built on:
Mutual Respect: Your partner values your opinions, even when you disagree.
Independence: You both have your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own lives.
Trust: You don't feel the need to "prove" where you are or who you are with.
Consent: "No" is a complete sentence, and "Maybe" means "No."
How to Get Help
If you realize your relationship isn't healthy, it is not your fault. You don't have to figure this out alone.
Talk to a Pro: You can text "LOVEIS" to 22522 to chat with a trained advocate at Love is Respect. It is free, confidential, and specifically for young people.
Tell a Trusted Adult: Whether it’s a parent, a coach, a teacher, or a school counselor, having an adult in your corner can help you create a "Safety Plan" to end the relationship securely.
Document Everything: If you are being harassed online or via text, keep the screenshots.
The Bottom Line
Real love doesn’t require you to give up your friends, your privacy, or your peace of mind. If it hurts, it’s not "puppy love"—and you deserve much better.
Why Harvest?
Harvest Counseling & Wellness is a Mental Health Counseling & Wellness Practice in Argyle, Texas. Our team includes several licensed therapists who specialize in child, teen and adolescent therapy. We provide support and counseling for children, preteens, teens, and families struggling with issues related to eating disorders, disordered eating, anxiety, depression, self-harm, school related issues, divorce and separation issues, and more. Our office is located near Denton, Highland Village, Flower Mound, Lantana, Roanoke, and Justin. If you are looking for a child, teen and adolescent therapist in Denton or surrounding areas, contact us today for a complimentary phone consultation, 940-294-7061.
Teen Violence Resources:
Primary Research & Statistics
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):
Source: Teen Dating Violence | Intimate Partner Violence Prevention
Key Data: Provides the latest Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) data, including the "1 in 12 high school students" statistic regarding physical dating violence.
The World Health Organization (WHO):
Source: Adolescent girls face alarming rates of intimate partner violence (2024)
Key Data: Offers a global perspective on how early violence starts for young women (often before age 20).
Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP):
Source: Facts About Teen Dating Violence
Key Data: Research on the "1 in 3" statistic for general dating abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional).
Advocacy & Immediate Help (The "Big Three")
Love Is Respect:
Website: loveisrespect.org
This is the premier resource specifically for teens and young adults. They offer a "Relationship Quiz," safety planning tools, and 24/7 text/chat support.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Website: thehotline.org
The parent organization of Love Is Respect. It provides comprehensive definitions of abuse (including gaslighting and financial abuse) and a local shelter database.
One Love Foundation:
Website: joinonelove.org
Founded in honor of Yeardley Love, they specialize in highly relatable educational videos (like the "10 Signs of a Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship").
